Daniell Koepke (via erudess)
i. needed. this.
A New Perspective of the Day: This is What Hanging Out Looks Like in 2013
Check out “I Forgot My Phone,” a short film that paints a bleak and eerily accurate picture of what hanging out with friends actually looks like in today’s mobile age.
Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism (via xhromosomes)
"Do you think I should get this dress?" I slowly walked out of my fitting room towards my now ex-girlfriend’s. She didn’t reply. She was still trying stuff on.
I leaned against her door & sighed. Well, at least I wasn’t dealing with those adamant boyfriends who’d wait outside the fitting room texting their bros and other hoes, I guess. “Hey, I wanna see what you’re trying on!” I knocked on her door.
She finally opened it & her petite figure twirled in these high-waisted, pinstriped shorts & sheer, royal blue button up. God, she was adorable. “You like?” She giggled.
"I love." I smirked.
"K, good." She smiled & twirled back into her fitting room. "Hey," she leaned out of her door, her long, brunette hair hanging down, before fully stepping in & made a kissy face at me.
I sighed, walked over, & gave her a peck.
She grinned & shut the door without even noticing that I was wearing a dress in my favorite color.
We broke up shortly after that day. And although it was for reasons far beyond her remembering what my favorite color was or being able to say, “That dress looks good on you,” let alone remembering that I even asked her opinion about the dress in the first place, I can’t help but remember that day every time I look back on us—that day I felt like she’d suddenly forgotten a lot about me.
When I was very much younger, my grandmother, when she was still around, would help my mother do the house chores all the time. We didn’t really speak much because she didn’t really speak much at all. Tagalog was the only language she knew & she was too shy to try speaking anything else. “Hi” & “mahal kita” (“I love you”) were just fine though.
I’ll never forget the day she tried to set the table for us.
Something I did not know at the naive, didn’t-know-any-better time of mine is that not everyone eats with a fork & knife just like we do in America. In China & Japan, they sometimes eat with chopsticks. In India, they sometimes eat with their hands. And in the Philippines, they sometimes, actually they always, eat with a fork & spoon.
"Mom, grandma set the table wrong!" I ran into the kitchen.
My grandma was actually in the kitchen with my mother, pulling out a couple more spoons. She looked at me because she knew I mentioned her in a way that was kind of unpleasant.
"What happened?" Mom mom asked, aggravated.
"She put spoons instead of knives!" Gosh, I was such a little bitch when I was…actually a little bitch.
My mother spoke to her in Tagalog & I knew she told her that she set the table wrong.
"Bakit?" ("Why?") My grandma timidly asked.
"Chelsea, just help your grandma reset the table, okay?" My mom was not in the mood to pick sides. A mom having to pick sides between her own mom & her own daughter is the toughest of sides to ever pick.
I took the knives out of the drawer, ran to the dining room, & started switching them out with the spoons. My grandma slowly walked into the dining room right after me & she just stared at me.
She picked up her table setting, including her spoon, & slowly walked away.
During dinner, even with five people sharing how their day was & not sharing the rice, the table felt quite empty. And then I realized it was because my grandma wasn’t there.
I said I was full even though I really wasn’t & left to put my dishes in the sink. My grandma was eating her dinner in the kitchen. With her fork & her spoon.
"Goodnight, grandma." There isn’t really much to say or explain when two people can barely understand each other beyond language barriers.
"Gnight. Mahal kita." My grandma put her spoon down. But she didn’t look up at me. She just kept staring at her spoon.
There’s this saying, “Just because they don’t love you the way you want, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.” And as much as I used to think that was just another cliche cop out for an excuse to settle for less, when I think of my grandma & her spoon & my ex-girlfriend & that random kiss she wanted from the fitting room after completely disregarding me, I can’t help but find myself thinking that saying is very much true. Because now that they’re both no longer in my life & I look back on it, I’d rather have a table setting with forks & spoons from my grandma than anyone else’s forks & knives. And sometimes no matter how much or how good someone compliments me when I try something on, going into the fitting room doesn’t seem that much fun without seeing a petite girl with long, brunette hair twirl out with a smile, asking me for a kiss.
So maybe my ex-girlfriend didn’t remember my favorite color or notice that I was wearing a dress or realize how much I wish she told me I looked pretty, & maybe my grandma didn’t know how to talk to me or set the table correctly, but maybe that never meant that they loved me any less than I wish they did.
And maybe, if I started loving what I have instead of loving what I want, maybe love would be enough.
I miss Grandma. <3
The War - Wale (via k-isabella)